I’ve never met you and yet I feel
like I know you. In fact I think every working mother in the world has met you
in some version or another.
“You’re
back at work already!? How old is Eric?!”
“Four and
half months.”
“Goodness
me, so young to be left alone!”
“Well,
he’s not alone, he’s with his Father. He’s a stay at home Dad.”
“Yes, but
that’s not the same is it, children that age need their mothers.”
Ahhh yes, I know you well Trent,
perhaps even better than you know yourself.
The question I would like to ask
you first Trent is who told you that? Who appointed themselves God of family
structures and declared “Children need their mothers more than their fathers
until their exactly 38.5 months of age and then the mother can slowly start to
claw her old life back?” Who made this a thing?
Many of your ilk claim that God
made this a thing, and that stay at home Dads are “against God’s design”.
I can’t speak for every God, but I
can say with absolute confidence that my God doesn’t say that. The Bible verse
most people incorrectly cite when spouting this opinion is 1 Timothy 5 verse 8
which says “Anyone who does not provide
for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the
faith and is worse than an unbeliever.”
Notice this verse starts with the
word anyone. Not just men who
don’t provide, any person who is failing to take care of their family is
failing to live by Christian principals.
My study Bible sums up the second
half of the argument brilliantly so I’m just gunna go ahead and copy that…
A man should do whatever is necessary to take care of his
family. For some it may mean working outside the home; for others it may mean
working from home. For others, providing for the family may mean supporting and
enabling their wives, who bring in the primary source of income. There is no scriptural basis to rebuke such
an arrangement.
So, Trent, that settles that.
Well, I hear you retort, it
may not be a God thing but it’s definitely a science thing! Woman are biologically programmed to be better
at taking care of their children!
Are
we though Trent? Let’s examine that…
Some
people claim that we mums have an advantage because we get a nine month head
start on getting go to know our child. While there is limited research available
in this area, studies do suggest that fathers
develop strong antenatal bonds with their babies too.
But the hormonal changes!
I hear you exclaim, birth and breast
feeding cause a surge of hormones which strengthen your bond with the baby!
Here you are correct Trent, but did you know new Dads experience these hormonal
changes too? One study tested both the mothers and fathers oxytocin levels (oxytocin
= bonding hormone) in the first few weeks after birth and at 6 months of age
and guess what Trent, their
oxytocin levels were exactly the same. EXACTLY THE SAME TRENT! CAN YOU
BELIEVE IT! DADS BOND WITH AND LOVE THEIR CHILDREN AS WELL! INCREDIBLE!!!!
Guess
what else Trent, studies have also shown that fathers are just as good
at recognising and responding appropriately to the cries of their babies as
mothers are. I know right, mind blown.
But dads can’t breastfeed!!! No kidding Trent, but you know what? Some mums can’t/don’t
breastfeed either. Thank goodness we live in this modern age of breast pumps
and formula.
So, anyway,
this whole “babies need their mothers” rule, it’s not a Jesus thing, and it’s
not a science thing, I think it’s just a you thing Trent.
Which
brings me to my next question, who hurt you? Did you have a rubbish Dad and you
now assume that all fathers are inferior to mothers? Or maybe you had a mum who
had to or chose to work and this arrangement didn’t work great for you so you
assume having a working mum isn’t great for any child?
Whatever
the case may be, I’m sorry that you went through that Trent. I really am. But
you need to stop projecting this experience and opinion onto other people like
it’s gospel.
Because
it’s 2018 baby, the year of girl bosses and stay at home dads. Make peace with
it, accept it, and trust that it’s all going to turn out ok.
Great
chatting with you,
Kind
regards,
Working
mums everywhere, and The Accountant’s Wife. X
No comments:
Post a Comment