A snarky rant about smug mums

I posted on the Whangarei Mothers Advice and Support Facebook page the other night. The Accountant told me it was a bad idea, and deep down I knew he was right, but I was getting desperate.

You see, according to my Plunket guide, Conrad should be able to eat normal food by the time he turns one, which is only three weeks away. Thing is, he hates normal food. He has no interest in feeding himself, and will immediately spit out anything that requires even a minimal amount of chewing. We are off to Wellington this weekend. When we booked the trip I envisioned him happily tucking in to some chicken nuggets at the airport while the Accountant and I gazed at him adoringly and congratulated each other on the perfect offspring we’d produced. But, at this rate I’m going to need to pack my George Forman blender, and it’s stressing me out.

So, out of desperation, I turned to the Facebook page, and asked if any other mums had a child like mine and for any tips or advice.

The majority of the comments were supportive and helpful. Don’t worry they said, mine is/was exactly the same, he’ll get there in his own time, just keep trying.

And then came the token smug mum comment.

Before I go any further, I should just say that I don’t actually have any proof that this comment was from a legitimate bona fide smug mum. She may be a perfectly kind mum, full of empathy, whose written communication just happens to come across a little smugish.

Basically the comment informed me, in a slightly condescending manner, that chewing is essential for my child’s development (no kidding!) and that perhaps I hadn’t introduced finger food early enough, and perhaps my child has missed out on the opportunity to learn how to chew, and perhaps I might need to seek input from a speech language therapist so they can do what I as his mother have failed to do and teach him how to chew his food.

Rather than feeling helped and supported, I had a complete meltdown.

“Jeff, Jeff!!! We need to make Conrad an appointment with a speech language therapist! HE HAS AN AVERSION TO LUMPS JEFF!!!! I didn’t introduce finger food early enough and now he’ll never learn to chew! When he goes to uni I’ll have to move with him so that I can puree all his food! That’s assuming he goes to uni now that he’s so developmentally stunted. WHY DID YOU EVER LET ME PURCHASE SUCKY POUCHES!! WE ARE THE WORST PARENTS IN THE WORLD!!!”

Eventually The Accountant convinced me that I was being a complete idiot and that our child is actually fine.

But then the following morning I was on Pinterest looking for finger food ideas that might entice my child to start chewing and I saw a picture with the caption “so proud my girl has only ever eaten food I made for her myself"

And that was the straw that broke the camel’s back.

Like seriously, what is it with smug mums!? There’s one in every newsfeed and on every mummy forum and it’s just way too much.

There’s the mum that shares the article about increasing home birth rates with the caption “So glad I was able to have a natural labor at home with little Bertram, the best day of my life xx”

Hey Bertram’s mum, ever think that maybe another mum will see that who is still recovering from the horror of an emergency surgery or terrifying forceps delivery despite her absolute best intentions to have a calm and natural birth? Ever think that posting that might make her feel like crap Bertram’s mum?

Then there’s the mum that shares a link to an article claiming that children who spend more than 12.265 hours in daycare a week are 500 times more likely to be morbidly obese with the caption “So glad I can stay at home with my best little buddy Jaycee-Leigh and never miss a moment #blessed #mywholeworld”

Hey Jaycee-Leigh’s mum, ever think that maybe another mum will read this who has to drop her own best little buddy at daycare every day so she can go to work and pay her mortgage? Ever think this mum might find this process so heartbreaking she cries in her car at the gate? Ever think maybe she feels guilty enough without you posting this condescending BS?

I could go on and on and on with millions more examples. But smug mums already go on and on and on and on enough for all of us.  

So instead I’ll end on this. To the mums who have to drop their children at daycare and hate it, to the mums who have 15 month olds who still sleep like newborns, to the mums who had terrible births, to the mums who couldn’t breastfeed, to any mum who has ever read a smug mum status and died a little inside…

You are awesome. And Bertram is probably a dreadful sleeper, and Jaycee-Leigh probably has terrible nappy rash that frustrates the heck out of her mum because she’s spent a fortune on creams and none of them work. Because no matter how great one thing is, there’s always something that’s not so great. Because it’s parenting, and it’s hard, and we’re all just trying our best to raise semi decent humans.

And there’s no need to be so flipping smug about it.