These are my confessions

These are my confessions,

Just when I thought I said all I could say my chick on the side says she got one on the way…

Not really. Sorry. I can’t hear the word ‘confessions’ without singing that classic Usher tune in my head.

In fact, that whole album is just absolutely iconic. So many bangers. My Boo, Yeah!, Burn, Caught Up….

It came out in 2004. That makes me feel so old. Man, 2004, a simpler time. Take me back to when my biggest problem was using up my 2000 texts before the end of the month.

Anyway, sorry. Again. I am extremely tired. This will not be my best work.

We are now 23 days in to life with two children under the age of 2 and, as Kylie Jenner would say, I have realised some stuff, which I will now confess to you forthwith.

·       Two under two may not have been the best call.

Like seriously, what were we thinking? Well, actually I know exactly what we were thinking. We were thinking how great it will be when, at ages 3 and 4, they will be best friends and entertain each other for hours while I lie on the couch watching Real Housewives. And maybe that will happen. And maybe when you ask me if I’d have two under two again I will pause the television and enthusiastically reply saying of course! Look how sweet my life is now! Best decision ever!

But don’t ask me today. Because today I would say learn from this hot sleep deprived mess that is my life now and don’t do it. Have at least a five year gap. Heck, have a ten year gap, just too absolutely guarantee that only one of your children will still be in nappies and hate sleep.

·       New-borns are the absolute worst.

We ventured out to playcentre last week and one of the mums said “don’t you just love this age? It’s over far too quickly!” And I laughed and laughed because I thought she was being sarcastic.

Because honestly no, I hate this age. Maybe hate is slightly strong, but I really really dislike it. New-borns don’t sleep, they cry a lot, they wee and poo their way through ten outfits a day, and they are constantly attached to your boob. On the rare occasions when they are awake and not crying they just stare at you blankly. This period is not over too quickly, this has been the longest three weeks of my life.

Perhaps the one thing that can be said for new-borns is that you can put them down somewhere and they’ll stay there. Also, you can eat chocolate in front of them because they don’t know what it is yet and won’t cling to your leg for dear life screaming “MMMMMMM!! MORE MUMMY MORE!!” like your older child does.

·       Sometimes I hate my husband a little bit

This morning The Accountant was very excited because it’s Easter morning tea at work and he gets Easter eggs and hot cross buns and it’s just going to be the best day ever. I haven’t left the house in four days and had been awake since 5 am with a very fussy spilly grumpy baby. While he was talking I fantasised about stabbing him repeatedly.

·       I can’t wait to go back to work

Speaking of work, I go back to work in approximately 112 days and I literally cannot wait. I know that makes me sound horrible and like a terrible mother but there it is. I love my children. I really do. But I am not cut out to be a stay at home mum. For the sake of my sanity I need at least two days a week where my day doesn’t revolve around nap times and convincing my toddler to eat something other than cheese.

So, to sum up, two under two is a tough gig. I have cried almost every day since Eric was born. It’s really hard, but somehow really lovely at the same time. Watching Conrad become a big brother has been such a joy. And sometimes, when Eric’s not crying and Conrad’s sitting next to him stroking his hair and pointing to his ears and his eyes I see glimpses of what it will be like. That it will get better, easier, more rewarding. We just have to keep on trucking for these first few months.

And I have been so lucky. Eric is three weeks old now and thanks to my husband and family the longest I have had to look after both boys by myself is 2.5 hours. It was a long 2.5 hours, and I have no idea how I am going to manage full 10 hour days while Jeff is at work. But I’ll do it.

Because I have to.

Because we decided to have 2 children under 2.

God help us.