Opportunity Cost

The Accountant and I have been watching a series on TV called ‘Mind over Money’. I love Nigel Latta, The Accountant loves all things money, so it suits us very well. In the last episode Nigel was talking about the principal of ‘Opportunity Cost’ and how people can use it to make themselves better at saving.

“Could you apply that theory to decisions about stuff other than money?” I asked The Accountant.

“Of course!” Was his passionate response. “All Opportunity Cost means is the next best alternative foregone.”

I stared at him blankly.

“So, you could apply it to something like deciding whether or not to have kids?”

“Sure, what is the next best alternative to having kids?”

“Well, I guess focusing on your career, or travelling.”

“So there you go. You would say that your career or the ability to travel are opportunity costs to having kids.”

While I could see his point, I feel like economic principals don’t make the best decision making tools when it comes to more complex decisions. When I think about the fact that I am very close to becoming a mother of two, my career and not being able to go to Fiji for a week for my birthday are the least of my worries.

The truth is, when it comes to having children there are many, many, many, “alternatives foregone.”

Like sleep. Precious precious sleep. We got so lucky with Conrad, who slept through the night at six months. What if this one is a non-sleeper who won’t sleep through the night until age two? There are few things more terrifying than staring down the barrel of two years without a full night’s sleep, even if it is a hypothetical, worst case scenario barrel.

Another important “alternative foregone” is the ability to easily leave the house. There are now two car seats in the back of my car. When The Accountant finished installing the baby capsule I looked in the back seat passenger window and felt like bursting into tears. The logistics of getting anything done with two small children suddenly hit me like a tonne of bricks and seemed completely overwhelming.

I could go on and on listing the things you forgo in order to bring new life into this world. A social life, a disposable income, a sex life. In my case, it’s looking like I’m going two for two on the major surgery thing, so the small amount of core strength I had left will also be out the window.

And yet, despite all these things, I feel like I’m going in to this new-born season with an advantage I didn’t have before.

The Accountant and I were never absolutely dead set on having children. We wanted them, sure. But we agreed that if for some reason it didn’t work out we wouldn’t do the whole IVF or adoption thing, we would focus on our careers and travel the world and that would be just fine with us. We both thought that these things would bring us just as much happiness as having children would.

I now know that’s not true.

I have been very lucky in that even though I was only 24 when Conrad came along, I had done a fair amount of travelling and been given some awesome opportunities with my career.

I loved seeing the Eifel Tour and Big Ben and going on a cruise ship that made me feel like I was on the Titanic.

I love talking student nurses through giving their first injection. I love being there when a stroke patient walks again for the first time.

But I love Conrad more. So much more. So much that I have yet to find words to describe it.

I didn’t feel that way at first. Not at all. I was recovering from surgery and he was so unwell that for the first 6-8 weeks of his life I honestly thought we had made the wrong decision. Having kids was the alternative that we should have foregone.

But I get it now. I get why people sacrifice so much to have children, and then do it again and again and again. Because, for me, there is no remote destination I could travel to or job title I could have next to my name that could ever compare to the joy and privilege it is to be a mum.

I know this now. And this knowledge will be what gets me through the sleep deprivation and the lack of social life and the logistical nightmare that is two children under two.

I hope.

Please pray for us, we’re going to need it.