Success

I ran my first half marathon last weekend, I did it in 2 hours and 27 minutes. I thought this was a good effort considering I have had two C-sections in the last two years and I only started training 7 weeks out from the event and I continued to eat like an absolute pig (I literally ate fish and chips the night before).  

But, do you know what the world record is for running a full marathon? 2 hours and 2 minutes. Like, there is a person who can run an entire marathon in less than 3 minutes a kilometre. I can’t even run 1 kilometre in 3 minutes let alone 42. 

Facts like this kinda make me hate myself, but, as The Accountant aptly reminds me, I can’t possibly compare myself to the 33 year old 55kg Kenyan man who holds that record. While running a half marathon in 2 hours 27 would be a complete embarrassment to him, for someone in my circumstances it’s a pretty great achievement. 

I think becoming a parent is similar to long distance running in that some people are just naturally better at it than others. Some women get pregnant straight away and have all natural home births that result in perfect healthy babies and they genuinely enjoy the whole experience. 

But, in the same way that I can’t compare myself to professional long distance runners, I also can’t compare myself to these mums, because that hasn’t been my journey. I am a mother who gave birth via surgery to babies who also needed surgery before spiralling into a major depressive episode. 

My journey was different, and the successes I celebrated were different too. 

One of Conrad’s favourite stories starts like this…

Once upon a time there was a lonely prince. He lived in a big castle with beautiful rooms and a pretty garden, but he wasn’t happy… 

When I was unwell after Eric was born I had to stop reading Conrad this story. I couldn’t get past that sentence without bursting into tears. It seems ridiculous but I identified so strongly with that lonely prince that it moved me to tears every time. Like him, I had a beautiful life, and yet I was horribly unhappy. But, I was determined that one day I would be able to read my son that story again, all the way to the end, without crying. 

I still remember the day I managed it. Eric would have been about 4 months old. At the end Conrad turned around and gave me a huge smile, almost as if he knew what a milestone it was. That was the first day I really knew for sure that I was going to be ok, that I had found my joy again. 

My successes are different, but they are no less important. 

This year my successes have included going to see a Stephen King movie, reading a children’s story without crying, and completing a half marathon in a decidedly average time. And you know what, I’m stoked. 

One of the many lessons I have learnt this year is this - don’t be so busy comparing yourself to everyone else’s triumphs that you forget to celebrate your own, no matter how small or inconsequential they might seem. 

Sure, for some people success is setting world records, but for others it’s keeping on going, not giving up, and getting over the line. 

I find those people just as inspiring x