Except, unlike our great sporting teams, I actually think these two movements
might have more in common than we think.
I have been reading a lot of op-eds and articles from both sides, and
one that really stuck with me was a piece by Frederica Mathewes-Green. She used
the following analogy that I have not been able to get out of my head…
If you were in charge of a nature preserve and you noticed that the
pregnant female mammals were trying to miscarry their pregnancies, eating
poisonous plants or injuring themselves, what would you do? Would you think of
it as a battle between the pregnant female and her unborn and find ways to help
those pregnant mammals miscarry? No, of course not. You would immediately
think, “Something must be really wrong in this environment.” Something is
creating intolerable stress, so much so that animals would rather destroy their
own offspring than bring them into the world. You would strive to identify and
correct whatever factors were causing this stress in the animals.
Our child was the result of a planned pregnancy, the news of which brought
us and our extended families great joy. His conception was the result of
consensual sex between two people in a healthy adult relationship, who love and
care for each other very much. He was born into a decidedly white middle class
family. We owned our own home, earned good incomes, and were in a finically
stable position. We had an excellent support network, with two sets of grandparents
living in the same city, and many good friends.
On paper, Conrad could not have been born in to a more idyllic set of
circumstances.
And yet, despite our incomes and savings, his existence has come at a
substantial financial cost. All it would take would be a significant unexpected
expense and our financial position would go from stable to very precarious.
And yet, in part due to his pyloric stenosis and less than ideal birth, I
was on the verge of requesting antidepressants from my GP.
Despite our truly blessed circumstances, having a child has proven to be
both financially and emotionally stressful for our family.
How much are these stressors amplified for the teen mum? The solo mum?
The unplanned pregnancy? The couple with no family on the same continent? The
couple who are told their child will have a significant health condition?
One of the protesters at a recent woman’s march waved a sign that read
“keep your rosaries off my ovaries”. I actually think that’s a fair call.
People who are pro-life are often immediately written off as closed minded
bigots who are intent on forcing their world view on others. That is certainly
the case for some members of the pro-life movement, but not for me.
For me, being pro-life isn’t about judging and condemning those who
chose to get abortions. I’m ok with women having a choice, as long as it is a
real choice, a genuine preference. Not a decision that is made out of a
perceived necessity because the mother sees no other way forward.
New Zealand is a first world country and yet last year almost 300,000 of
our children were living in hardship. Forty five percent of these children were
in homes where paid employment was the main source of income. 155,000 children
go without seven or more things they need, such as clothing, appropriate
housing, and adequate food.
Maybe, instead of continually shouting each other down, pro-lifers and
pro-choicers could start working together and attempt to correct the stressors
that make bringing children in to our little corner of the world a really tough
ask for so many.
Making a witty poster and engaging in an intense Facebook debate about
whether a foetus counts as a human or not is fine, but it is ultimately of no
use to the woman who is sitting in the bathroom, looking at those two pink
lines with tears in her eyes, with no idea what to do.
What this woman really needs is kindness, compassion, and practical
support.
Surely, we can all agree on that.
PS: You can read the full Frederica Mathewes-Green article here.
PPS: In terms of offering practical support, supporting these guys is a great way to start.
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