Anyway, as 2017 will be a big
year for the Burson clan, I decided that this year it might be appropriate to
set some goals. You will notice that the outcome of most of these is largely
beyond my control, but that’s totally on purpose. That way if none of them come
off I won’t feel like a complete loser.
So, without further ado,
here are The Accountant’s Wife’s New Year’s Resolutions for 2017.
1)
Give birth without needing surgery.
My husband’s best friend has
this theory that I am like a black hole. One of the principals of a black hole
is that nothing, not even light, can escape from inside it. This is his
explanation for why The Accountant is still married to me, but it could also be
true for my cervix. I suspect I have a black hole cervix. So does my midwife. She’s
not optimistic for a vaginal birth on account of the fact I was pregnant for 42
weeks and nothing happened and then they gave me all the special medication and
still nothing happened and when they cut me open Conrad was still sitting way
up high in my womb like he had no idea where the exit was or what he was meant
to be doing.
But C-Sections are hard guys.
I mean they’re great at the time when you can’t feel anything but for the next
few weeks it feels like someone has literally cut your entire lower abdomen
open. Probably because someone has literally cut your entire lower abdomen
open. And on top of that I’d have to look after a new born and a toddler. No
thank you! This time I’d really like it if my vagina and cervix would up their
game and take one for the team as it were.
I can understand their reluctance, I’ve done poos that hurt, and babies are
much bigger than poos. But despite that, I’m still keen to give traditional birth
a try.
2)
Have a baby that doesn’t need surgery.
Pyloric Stenosis, like having
a C-Section, is not a fun time. It’s 2 weeks of being screamed at by your baby
and constantly covered in vomit while people say really helpful things like
“all babies are spilly, he’ll grow out of it, this is just what having a baby
is like” before a doctor finally says “oh would you look at that the valve
between his stomach and his bowel is completely blocked!”
Pyloric Stenosis is most common
in first born males. As this baby is not first born it’s not as likely, but it’s
still a little bit likely coz it’s genetic and we obviously have it in our
genes. I feel like it wouldn’t as traumatic this time around, as we know what
we’re dealing with and I would just make a massive scene and refuse to leave
the ED until our baby got an abdominal ultrasound. But it would also be quite nice
to have a “normal” new born experience.
3)
Convince The Accountant to get a vasectomy.
I share this dream of mine
with people and everyone says “oh no just you wait you’ll want another one!”
No, I won’t. What I will want is sleep, personal space, alone time, and to not
have to puree food ever again. When I pass on all my maternity clothes and new
born onesies my heart will be filled with joy at the thought of never needing
them ever again. Don’t get me wrong, I love our children. Conrad brings me so
much joy, and I am so grateful and honoured that I get to be their mum. But two
is quite enough for us. And why should I have to take a pill every day or get a
rod inserted in my arm that makes me bleed constantly when The Accountant can
just get a little snip and that’s that?? He’s currently the only person living
in our house that hasn’t had surgery recently so I think it’s only fair.
4)
Use the F word less
It’s around this time of year
that many church pastors come out all guns blazing with sermons about “taking
hold of the dream God has placed on your life” and “seizing God’s vision” etc
etc etc. There’s nothing wrong with that, but it doesn’t really speak to me
where I’m at right now.
This quote by Paul Washer
does.
I
don’t want to be anything. I don’t want to be a bigshot. I don’t want to be
important. I don’t want to conquer the world. I just want to be pleasing to God
today and that is enough. That is enough, and strive as I might, I haven’t
obtained that goal so why would I look for another?
This season of having a young
family is really hard. There’s pressure to be the perfect mum and the perfect
wife and still maintain a career and a social life and it can all get really
overwhelming.
I already know I’m not going
to be the best, but I’m going to try my best. I’m going to try and be patient
and kind and loving at home and at work. I’m going to try and yell and swear
and cry less. Instead of being jealous of my friend’s lives, I’m going to try
harder to find joy in mine.
Two kids under two is going to
be hard work. I suspect our 2017 will be summed up best by the opening lines of
A Tale of Two Cities…
It was the best of times, it
was the worst of times ….. it was the season of Light, it was the season of
Darkness ….. it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair…
But no matter what, whether in
happiness or despair, I know I have family, friends, and a God who loves me.
Even when I tell my husband to
F off.
I wish you all a wonderful
2017 dear readers, and I hope you stick around to share our crazy journey with
us.
Unless you’re planning on
messaging me about the dangers of Bumbo’s or how I rely too heavily on
processed foods.
In which case you can…
You know what, never mind.
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