New-born realities - it's ok to be selfish

Since becoming a mum I have developed a new hobby. Do you ever have an article pop up in your Facebook news feed with an inflammatory headline? Usually these articles get 500 plus comments, and I always used to think to myself ‘I wonder what people are commenting, I bet some of them are hilarious, if only I had the time…’ Well, now that I spend half my day with an infant attached to my boob time is on my side! And the comments are everything I thought they would be and more. 

Last week an article popped up in my newsfeed “Vaginal Birth after caesarean – the things you should know”.  I have an interest in this topic for obvious reasons, so decided to read both the article and the comments section.

The article was good, the comments were better.

You thought the rugby world cup was competitive? It’s got nothing on child birth. If child birth were an Olympic sport the gold medal would go to the woman who had given birth naturally, out in a field, with the only form of pain relief being the sweet melody of the vegan harpist she’d hired to accompany her. Silver would go the natural birth who cheated slightly by having a few cheeky huffs of gas and air. Bronze would be the vaginal birth who needed assistance in the form of forceps. Although in my opinion anyone who has a forceps delivery deserves all the trophies and medals the world has to offer.

C-Sections? We don’t even feature. C-Sections are to child birth what Namibia is to the rugby world cup.  Technically we know how to play the game, but our execution is extremely poor.

Once you’ve had one C-Section, you are given a choice. Either you book in for an elective caesarean, or you can go for gold by attempting to have a normal vaginal birth. Depending on the circumstances an attempt at a vaginal birth is usually recommended. It’s easier on mum and better for baby coz it helps squeeze out all the mucous and stuff.

However, not everyone is keen on the vaginal method. One such person is Sophie, who was given a shout out in the comments section of this article by someone who is obviously a very close friend. The comment went as follows...

“My friend Sophie is having another caeser coz she doesn’t want a blown out vagina. She’s such a selfish cow."

My first thought after reading this comment was that poor Sophie needs to get herself some new friends. I would like to volunteer for the job. I feel like we would get along really well. Anyone who uses the phrase “blown out vagina” is someone I could get along with, a kindred spirit shall we say. Also, I would never judge Sophie for sticking with the devil she knows and opting for another C-section. I mean, what if her vagina did blow out? Then you have a C-section scar, the core strength of a ninety year old, and a blown out vagina. That’s just lame.

One of the many things I have learnt since becoming a parent is that sometimes what’s best for baby is actually ignoring the advice and just doing what’s best for you. You can’t look after a baby if you’re not looking after yourself, and if looking after yourself means switching to formula, co-sleeping, or any of the other million and one things that are supposedly bad for your baby, then so be it.

When it comes to parenting, I too am a selfish cow.

And I don’t care.

Because I’m selfish like that.