New Website!

Hello Dear readers!

Just incase you don't like my Facebook page and didn't get the memo The Accountant's Wife has moved house!

You can find my new website here... https://beancounterswife.wixsite.com/theaccountantswife

All my new blogs will be posted to this site, and you can find all my previous blogs there too :-)

God bless!

Kate :-)

Spine

I'm normally not a poetry person, but a dear friend of mine is coming up to a very difficult anniversary - I wanted to somehow mark the occasion, and these were the words that came. This poem is posted on my blog with her permission - in my friend's words "anything we can do to raise awareness is important."

The bible says the heart is deceitful above all things .. who can understand it? I know when I was considering suicide I genuinely thought that I would be doing everyone a favor. I was a terrible mother, wife, and friend, and with me out of the way my loved ones would be given the opportunity to replace me with someone better. Now that I am well again I know this is ridiculous, in fact it's worse than that, it's a lie straight from the depths of hell. 

I would urge everyone I know, every single person reading this, to never ever ever buy into this lie. 

Because you are so loved, and you would be so acutely and intensely missed, every single day. 

And it does get better. I promise you, it does get better. 

To my friend, it has been an honour to walk part of this journey with you, I have never before witnessed such tenacity and strength. You are an inspiration, and you will make it out of this valley. 

All my love, 

The Accountant's Wife X

They say time heals everything

Of that I’m not so sure

It’s almost been a year now

Time has proved no cure

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger

I just don’t know about that

All my strength left me that day

It still hasn’t come back

A million different clichés

I hear them everyday

Devoid of any meaning

But what else can people say?

It’s better than the silence

Which many people choose

As though tragedy were contagious

And if they speak they’ll catch it too

I miss normal conversations

Smile and meet my eye

Ask me “hey, how are you?”

“Fine” my honest reply.

Fine is an enigma

Forgotten long ago

Replaced with anger, hate, frustration

The deepest sadness I have known

And yet, I am still here

Every day I rise.

I eat, I sleep, I go to work

I even laugh sometimes.

Maybe I’m not stronger

Maybe I’m not fine

But I do still have some form of strength

A different kind of spine

I guess the thing about it is

My hope, it will not shrink

Your choice, it almost drowned me

But I refuse to sink.

I still see the beauty

In another person’s smile

Sometimes I can’t find my own

But life is still worthwhile

So I continue living

Although it’s very hard

But this hope I have inside me

I cannot disregard

I’m no Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson

But in my own way I am strong

And as a great pop diva once sang

My heart, it will go on.

Where to get help

Lifeline – 0800 543 354

Suicide Crisis Helpline (open 24/7) – 0508 828 865 (0508 TAUTOKO)

Depression Helpline (open 24/7) – 0800 111 757